You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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