i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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