He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
