Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize