This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
