The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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