My balls are so social today.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
