hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
