Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
