i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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