fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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