i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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