Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
