Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
