Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize