They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
