question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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