No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
