This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
