is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
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We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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