you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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