he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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