The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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