just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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