considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
