This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
