dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
