I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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