I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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