The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A bitchslap is in order.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
