p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
