im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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