i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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