Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
