How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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