Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
