Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My breath smells like gin and sadness
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
