Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
