In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
