yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
