dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
