I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're a waste of cheezeits
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
