I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
