I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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