all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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