it hurts more in the daytime
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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