Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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