3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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