OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
