I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
