Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
