She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
