i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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