gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
