you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
