She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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