vagina is talking i cant
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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