dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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