Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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