I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
