She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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