i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
50% drunk capacity currently
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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