You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
