In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
