what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
