I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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