and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
