ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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