He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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