sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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