He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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