There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
